the move

Well, here I am. I am officially Grace in the City. I am sitting alone in my new apartment, finally having the time and/or capacity to reflect on the past few weeks. It’s been a lot. I am not sure how to organize my experiences into a concise story, so I decided I will weave sporadic memories together, with my thoughts and emotions littered about. It’ll be a bit random.

Let’s go back to a few weeks ago.

two weeks before the move:

Stressed is an understatement. I don’t have a place to live. You read that right, I am moving to a new state in two weeks and I don’t even know if I’ll have somewhere to sleep at night. 

Every night now I stare at the ceiling, trying to picture what my life will be like, but I see nothing. I am failing at finding an apartment, so I can’t imagine what my place will look like. I haven’t gotten my class schedule yet, so I can’t visualize what a typical day will look like. I don’t know my roommate – or anyone in NYC for that matter-, so I can’t envision the type of people I will be spending all my time with. As an instinctual planner, this is a nightmare. I just want something to grasp onto, something solid. 

I feel like a failure already, and I haven’t even stepped foot in Manhattan. If I can’t manage to find an apartment, how am I going to make it? Finding a place to live is the first step in my NYC journey and somehow, I can’t figure it out. How will I manage to be a competent law student and keep up my workouts and manage my budget and make friends and maintain a long distance relationship and take care of my cat (and on and on), if I can’t even do the simplest task? 

There’s another new voice in my head too. What if I made the wrong decision?

one day before the move:

I am running. Running down the same path I’ve always ran down, in my hometown. I was in the middle of packing when I realized I needed to run. I had just finished placing my last sweatshirt in a vacuum-sealed bag when I had the strongest urge to move, far. The sun is just starting to set, and rays of light brush over the weeds on the side of the road. What if I forget something? What if all my stuff doesn’t fit in the car we are driving to New York? What if I get lonely? What will I do without my family? What if I hate the city? What if I don’t belong there? I can hardly breathe, so I run faster. I let the wind steal the breath from my mouth, surrender to its force.

An hour later, I am packing up my possessions, wrapping up mugs in socks with my family. I am having an easier time breathing now, after my run. It was a panic attack, I now realize. I swear I am excited… but I am just so doubtful. I don’t want to fail.

the roadtrip:

I say goodbye to my brother and grandparents. That was hard. Harder than I thought it would be, considering I had left before, for undergraduate school. My family means so much to me, so moving to another state is difficult. I know this move requires sacrifice. I will be farther away from my family, from my boyfriend, from everything I have always known.

And then we are off, packed into my dad’s truck with everything I own. It is a tight fit, to say the least. My mom, my dad’s girlfriend, and my sister begin the long drive to New York City. But not before a quick stop at Niagara Falls! (Did you know Canada is closed to Americans? We didn’t, until we started driving towards the falls in Canada. We had to cancel a few hotel reservations and make a little detour to the New York side of the falls). Side note: if you ever have the chance to see the falls, I definitely recommend making a stop.

By Sunday night, we finally drive into Manhattan through the Lincoln Tunnel. I am in the driver’s seat, despite my horrible fear of driving in New York traffic. We listen to “New York, New York” by Frank Sinatra – just to be as cliché as possible. I feel overwhelmed – with what emotion, I can’t tell. A mix of fear and excitement and disbelief, probably. As I slowly inch down the tight tunnel with Frank bellowing in the car, I start to feel dizzy. The tunnel walls shrink, begin to inch towards the car, towards me.

“If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere. It’s up to you, New York, New York”

Finally, we emerge from the tunnel and are confronted with New York City. 

the day(s) of the move:

We spend the night in a hotel because I couldn’t pick up my keys until the next morning. I wake up early. This is it! I decide to go for a quick run through Central Park- how New York of me! It did feel right. 

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I have never seen my apartment in-person before, and my memory from seeing it via FaceTime is hazy. We walk over to the place and I hardly have time to think. Keys, moving carts, laundry cards, disassembled bed frames…

Finally, Monty (and my dad) arrives!! I was so worried about his plane ride over, but Monty is a trooper. 

We finish the day with a stop at Walmart for cleaning supplies and other necessities. Oh – and some stooping!

Stooping is the very ~New Yorker~ practice of finding abandoned furniture and other household goods on the side of the street and taking it for yourself. I arrived in New York with no furniture – there wasn’t any room in the truck. I ordered a bed frame and a mattress (which has yet to be delivered…), but other than that, I am furniture-less. Within the first two hours of moving in, my sister struck gold on the side of the street, spotting a perfect rug for my room. We also utilized the Instagram account, @stoopingnyc, which posts locations of free furniture throughout the day. A perfectly good white dresser is now in my room because of this account. I also found a desk chair by simply walking down the street on my way home from the grocery store and bought a nice desk from Facebook marketplace. New York on a budget, people, I am doing my best!

https://www.instagram.com/stoopingnyc/

The next day is another whirlwind of moving chores – grocery shopping, thrifting, setting up the wifi, facetiming my grandparents to show them the place, etc. My family enjoyed a few meals on the floor of my unfurnished kitchen, which also feels very “New York”. Our last meal together is a rooftop dinner in Times Square, featuring some delicious sangria pitchers and debates about the future. 

My dad, ever the drunk inquirer, asks us all where we thought we will be in five years. Five years ago, he never would have imagined I would be moving to New York City, he tells me. He wants us to predict where we would be five years from now (although we are sure we would be wrong, life never goes as planned). Barring the possibility of the world coming to an end (which does seem to be more and more likely to my pessimistic self), I say I have absolutely no idea where I would be. Graduated, hopefully. Employed, hopefully. In New York? Maybe, if I liked it here, if I get a job here. Or maybe in another city! Who knows, I tell him, that’s the beauty of my life right now. I feel filthy rich with opportunity. I have so much to learn and experience and grow from… this is just the beginning.

And with that, after a quick three-hour nap on an air mattress back at my apartment, my family left. It was sad. I have trouble expressing my love and gratitude towards my family… all I can say is: thank you family!

Here’s a quick video summary of the move:

the first day alone:

It’s 4 am and my family is driving away, but I can’t go to sleep. I start restlessly organizing. I feel empowered, alone in my new place, alone in this new city. I feel like I need to drink in every moment here, not waste one second. I begin planning for my weekend of solitude ahead. During each day – with the safety of sunlight, I plan to visit a new area of New York, just wandering and exploring. When darkness hit, I would hunker down to work on the mountain of pre-law school assignments and other organizational duties I had (Do you know how much there is to do when you move? New doctors, new hair stylists, ordering apartment supplies, setting up the electricity, the list never ends!).

My first day-trip is to Greenwich Village. 

Highlights:

• First solo subway ride is a success! Surprise perk: trumpet train entertainment
• Bagel balls with cream cheese stuffed inside
• Sitting at a bar by myself, sipping a frozen watermelon mojito
• The chaos/zoo that is the people of Washington Square Park
• Watching a buzzer-beater high school basketball game on the street
• The biggest new and used record shop I have ever seen

Lowlights:

• A rough trip home on the train, i.e., I took the wrong one(s)

Day Two is the Meatpacking district area, unintentionally

Highlights:

• A scenic walk along the Highline – did you know it ends in the Meatpacking District? I didn’t.
• A spontaneous decision to go to the Whitney Art Museum
• Chelsea Market!! I love that place, plans to go back soon

Lowlights:

• Had difficulty finding the entrance to the Highline – why I am always lost?

Day Three is a quick appearance in Brooklyn (which still needs further exploring)

Highlights:

• Witnessing the most diverse food market I’ve ever seen: Smorgasbord
• A surprise ferry ride
• A scenic walk on the Brooklyn Bridge

Lowlights:

• Exhaustion from walking every day, all day
• Overpriced flea market clothes
• Having to pee, while having no place to pee

My long-weekend self-vacation ends the next day, when I had plans with some other Fordham Law students. At the risk of sounding dramatic, this experience of solitude in NYC was irreplaceable. Wandering the streets of New York, I truly felt in my element. There is always something to see or hear or feel here. The people are eclectic, unique, energetic. I feel lucky to witness the chaos, to fall into a crowd of humans also experiencing the most alive city in America. I did not feel lonely at all. I was comforted by the woman buying a second-hand Modest Mouse record next to me, the older man in a Greenwich bar telling me about his life growing up in the Bronx, the young couple in matching hipster outfits on the train to Brooklyn. Although I can’t confidently call myself a New Yorker yet (I had about five strangers tell me I looked like I wasn’t from around here), I felt connected to my environment, for the first time in a long time. To me, NYC is a living, breathing organism. And I am a part of it. I can’t believe it.

A few more last minute thoughts before I close out this post…

• I hate sleeping on an air mattress much more than I thought I would.
• Monty is adjusting to his environment well and enjoys lounging by the window. Highly recommend having a cat in a new city to cuddle with you at night.
• Hot moving tip: message random people on Instagram to hang with them! Text people you hardly know or know through friends! 
• I still love live music… my first New York concert was the wonderful Jennah Vox at the Bowery Electric and I’m obsessed. 

And with that, my first week in New York is coming to a close. I am currently spending my time running through Central Park, finishing up law school homework, waiting for my roommate to arrive, relaying my adventures to Daryn via Facetime, meeting other law students for coffee, and trying to make as many friends as possible. I have officially arrived at the point where I realized I am not on vacation, but living in my new home. It’s a weird feeling, the type of feeling where you see yourself from outside of your body and don’t recognize your own life. 

I am still the anxious person I always am – and with law school starting, I am sure I will have plenty to worry about soon. But, so far, it’s been pretty sweet. Maybe I over-reacted just a little before the move. I’ll keep you updated.

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