What I Learned in College (that had nothing to do with my degree)

*Warning: Preaching and Cheesiness ahead. I apologize in advance*

I graduated college this week. It still feels strange to write down. I did all the things on the typical UW-Madison graduate to-do list; I wore a cap and gown, got drunk with my friends, and took photos by the Capitol Building. Although the actual commencement was emotional, surprisingly, I was most reflective during this photoshoot.

I couldn’t help but wonder, why were my friends and I dressing up and posing in uncomfortable heels for hours? To have something to post on instagram? (Well… maybe a little bit.) More importantly, we were taking photos in caps and gowns because we had something to celebrate. We had earned an undergraduate degree and we worked hard to do so.

However, reflecting deeper, I realized that school was the easiest part of college for me. Sure, exams were tough and I was always stressed about my grades, but the most difficult moments in the past four years were not related to my education. In fact, my proudest moments were times I overcame hardship. These graduation pictures represented the celebration of more than obtaining my degree: they represented my personal growth and learning.

All of this is to explain that I, Grace Osgood, feel like I learned a lot during my undergraduate years. While I am by no means an expert on life, I discovered a thing or two between classes and dance practices. I thought I’d share a few of those lessons.

Here are 10 things I learned during college that have nothing to do with my degree:

1. Nothing Ever Goes As Planned.

Freshman year was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. First, after three years of dating my high school boyfriend, I was suddenly and unwillingly single again. I was devastated. Naively, I had assumed I had love all figured out and was confident I had met “the one” (I was wrong!). This breakup was my first clue that things never go as planned.

Directly after my surprise breakup – like literally one week later – my family got some even more devastating news. My stepdad had a heart attack and then was diagnosed with stomach and estopheagal cancer. Suddenly, focus was shifted from my first year at college and my breakup to the health and wellbeing of my family. This was my second clue.

Nothing ever goes as planned. The only thing you can be sure of is that life will not go how you expect. And this realization led to my second lesson….

2. Say Yes More.

After these events, I found myself in a haze of sadness, and my first instinct was to get in bed and never leave it. But, I am the type of person that doesn’t like to lose, and at the time I felt like rotting in bed would be letting my ex win. So, I decided that anytime I had an excuse to leave my dorm I would say “yes”. Thus, my new motto was born: “Say Yes”.

I decided life was much shorter than anyone likes to believe and nothing goes as planned anyway, so might as well do as much as I could while I had time.

Now, I don’t say yes all the time, and sometimes I need a gentle reminder to say yes more often, but I do take this motto with me where-ever I go. Maybe you could try it too.

3. Boundaries are Good Too, Though.

This might seem contradictory considering #2 of this list. It’s great to say yes more, but I learned pretty quickly that there are situations where you need to say “no” too. As a woman, and as someone that instinctively wants to please people, saying no can be difficult. If someone asks me a favor or needs emotional support, I don’t want to let them down.

But boundaries are necessary. If someone is crossing a line, it’s okay to say so. It’s okay to say no to an event when you really aren’t feeling up to it and it’s okay to let someone know when they are draining you emotionally. You aren’t letting anyone down by keeping yourself sane. This was a hard one for me to learn – especially when I had to set boundaries for people close to me.

4. Everyone Has A Story. Ask Them About It.

This one is simple. As soon as I arrived to UW-Madison, I was confronted with a world very distinctive from my upper/middle class upbringing in a suburban town. I quickly learned that everyone has a unique story, and as cheesy as it sounds, there’s always something you can learn from listening to these stories. So, if you have a chance, ask people about themselves.

5. The Most Important Things In Life Are People.

Some might disagree with this one, but I truly believe that the only things in life that really matter are your loved ones. During my junior year of undergrad, someone close to me had another health scare. You think I would have realized my freshman year, but it was another slap to face, as if the universe was saying, “Wake up! Tell your family and friends you love them!”.

During these scary few months, I realized I would give up anything and everything if only my loved one was happy and healthy. I didn’t need material possessions and whether or not I was picked to be in a dance routine ceased to matter. Everything boiled down to the people in my life that I cared about. Now, when I am freaking out about a bad grade or some acne, I make an effort to remember what really matters. And I make sure to remind my loved ones how much they mean to me and the world.

6. Vulnerability is Bravery.

Oof. This was a difficult one for me to learn. As a self-proclaimed “independent empowered woman” (I say this with a little sarcasm), I used to think I had to do everything on my own. Especially when it came to mental health.

Slowly but surely, I began to realize that it’s okay to ask for help. In fact, sometimes admitting you need help and being vulnerable with someone, is the bravest act of all. It takes guts to admit to someone that you don’t have it all under control, especially for a control freak like me. Especially for a woman that wants to believe she is capable of doing it on her own. But the truth is, no one does it on their own. Vulnerability is NOT weakness. Vulnerability is strength. You just have to believe me on this one.

(Or listen to this Ted Talk to hear it from someone far more qualified than me).

7. Growth Looks Different On Everyone.

This was another tough lesson for me. Coming into college, I defined self-improvement as always getting better grades, always losing weight, always running faster, always moving up the social ladder – always being better in some visible way. Turns out, that sort of thinking just isn’t sustainable. Yes, I still believe we should all strive to improve ourselves, but not all growth looks the same.

During university, I was forced to learn that my personal self growth means something very different that I had always believed.

Growth for me is learning to be more forgiving of myself. Growth is loving myself even when I don’t meet my high personal expectations. Growth is learning from my mistakes instead of crumbling when I don’t succeed. This is a gradual process, so I am working on this one every single day.

8. No One Knows What They’re Doing.

This one is also simple. No one, no matter how old or put-together they seem, has their life figured out. When I was in middle school, I believed I would know what I was doing as a high schooler. As a college student, I thought maybe I would feel more confident in my life decisions after I graduated.

But, I am just as clueless as ever. Maybe even more clueless.

I don’t think this feeling ever truly subsides. Getting older doesn’t magically grant you the ability to have an omnipresent view of life. Sure, we gain little bits of wisdom along the way, but generally speaking, everyone is just as clueless as everyone else. And if someone claims they know it all… they probably don’t.

9. Sometimes You Need to Do Things On Your Own.

I have always been the type of person that enjoys companionship. As much as I like to think I’m an “independent woman”, I like having that one person I can turn to when I am upset or need advice. For the last two years of college, that was Daryn, my boyfriend. Then Daryn enlisted in the Air Force during the first semester of my senior year. That meant no contact with him for two months, aside from one 10 minute phone call a week and handwritten letters.

Suddenly, I was forced to confront everything on my own. I had grown to rely on Daryn, and I will used to automatically turning to him in times of need. He was sort of like lifejacket- I knew I had him if I couldn’t swim on my own. When I was struggling with school or I felt stressed about work or my room flooded or my car died or I needed advice about choosing a law school or I just wanted a little reassurance… all I had was myself. Of course I had friends and family, but that one person wasn’t there to catch me when I fell. I was terrified.

The funny thing is, when I did inevitably fall, I was able to pull myself up. Sure, I might have a few scrapes, but I was okay. It was freeing. Being alone, confronting some mental demons on my own, forced me to face myself.

Yes, it’s always okay to ask for help. But sometimes it’s comforting to know you have the strength to survive even without a lifejacket.

10. You Are Stronger Than You Think.

This leads me to my final lesson. I am stronger than I think. Every time in the last four years that something didn’t go as planned, I questioned if I would be able to survive it.

But I did. And I will continue to survive it. And so will you. 🙂

I think that’s enough preaching and cheesiness for one post! I am not, by any means, an expert on life. But I do feel like a learned a little over the past four years. I am excited to see what I’ll learn in my next phase of life.

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